I hope you’re doing well today. It’s Spring Break and my doc is off vacationing with his family, so I took the whole week off to hang out with the kids. It’s been glorious and I don’t want to go back to work… ever. Haha (butseriously) My mom and younger siblings have been staying at my house this week too, so it’s a little crowded and noisy, but it’s good to get to spend time with them as well. So far this week, we’ve had an awesome Easter celebration followed by a huge family lunch and hanging out all day afterward. We’ve gone to the zoo, the beach, and the movies. There hasn’t been a lot of time to sleep in or just lounge around, but it’s been really great to be able to do fun stuff, make memories and take photos with Flat Stanley, who has been our travel companion (school spring break project for H). I’ve done yard work while wearing cowboy boots and a bandana, drinking craft beer, listening to country music and feeling pretty bada** (thankyouverymuch). I even had a grown up lunch with a friend at a trendy little spot downtown.
Like anything else though, it hasn’t all been peaches and dreams. H was with her dad for Easter again this year and missed the big celebration and family meal. That was a bummer. We had a bit of family drama at my grandmother’s house on Monday. Nothing crazy, just a failure to show grace that ended in tears. It was unfortunate, but I’m so glad that our family gatherings are 98% joyful and drama-free. Could certainly be much worse. The kids and I went to the zoo with my dad and step-mom. I don’t have much to talk to them about because we don’t have much at all in common, so spending more than a couple of hours with them is always a bit awkward. We took separate cars though, so that helped. Anyway, it’s been a good week overall.
It’s easy to look at social media and see snapshots of other people’s lives and think, “Man, they have such a great life. They always look so happy and put together.” You never see pictures of couples arguing or someone sitting on the floor in the bathroom feeling like crap. Most people don’t post much about their fears or failures. It’s easy to think that you must be the only one with any issues. Well, that’s a bunch of hooey because everyone has issues. Every family has problems, no matter how great they are, no matter how much they love the Lord and each other. Every parent feels like a complete failure sometimes. Every person has at some point fallen into the trap of comparing themselves with someone else and feeling inferior. I’ll go ahead and burst the bubble for you: I’m not perfect. I’m hard to live with. I am impatient and stubborn. The house is a wreck sometimes, no matter how much I’d really like it to be neat and tidy. I wish I didn’t yell so much, but I can’t seem to help myself. But despite these and many other faults, I am a good person and I will be a good wife one day. I know this because I know that God will bring me just the right husband (you!) and that our strengths and weaknesses will balance out. I’m under no illusions that marriage will always be easy, but I am excited to spend my life with you. I look forward to trudging through the muck of life with you and skipping through the happy stuff. (I do intend to actually, physically skip, by the way. You’ll have to get over yourself long enough to be silly with me… often 🙂 ) I am excited to know the little things about you that no one else gets to know. I am excited to have inside jokes and exchange knowing looks across crowded rooms. I look forward to holding your hand when we walk and you putting your arm around me when we sit next to each other and feeling your hand on the small of my back as you guide me into a room. I can’t wait to feel safe and warm in your arms and to be able to make our home a refuge from the world for you. I am not perfect, but I will love you well. Until then…